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#     Tidying up
Wednesday, August 29th, 2007

It doesn’t work, my brain. To be more specific: I can’t organize my thoughts.

Throughout my life, I can point out small gaps of time in which I was non-productive and non-responsive. In days like those, I withdraw from the life ouside, safe into my house. Curtains closed, TV-plug out, ready. Then, my main activities are watching how the walls grow closer together and how my houseplants whither. Meanwhile, a weird proces takes place inside my head.

It can’t be called Thinking, because it has no aim. There is no plan or descision to be made, and no problem to be solved. It’s more like wandering through hallways, opening doors and then closing them again, not daring to take a fair look at what was inside the rooms. And if you did see something inside, you will not be able to implement structure upon it. It’s walking endlessly inside a cube. And not just on it’s floor, but also sideways and upside down. You’ll find yourself drawing circles on the walls of the left chamber, endlessly. It’s being caught in the emptiness and space inside your brain, as opposed to all the things outside.

If I hold out long enough I will be able to witness how all kinds of new life forms come into being on the pots and pans in the kitchen sink, my potential roommates. This is usually the point when I snap back to reality. I hurry to the hallway, burst into rooms and start organizing them. Maybe it’s a simple link: I can’t organize my thoughts as long as my house isn’t organized.

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One comment on “Tidying up”

1. Well, you do get your point across, but I can’t help taking your metaphor (room searching) to another level. What if we’re all looking inside the rooms in search of something we don’t even know? Wandering endlessly with a reified illusion of purpose?

   Now, I can imagine that feeling trapped inside the “cube” of one’s own mind would suck life right out of a human being. But taking refuge in one’s own solitude would imply that the outside world is perhaps even worse; it is often triggered by some outside adversity. So why longing for that very same world regardlessly?

   Thanks for your visit.

   Hydra - August 30th, 2007 @ 12:28 am
   

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